i just realised how much i hold back my own opinions on my blog because i’m worried about offending others and literally what the hell is that
ha ha ha ha ha ha
I figure that this is my blog and that I’m going to post what I want, what I like, and what I feel passionately about. Followers come and go for their own reasons, but I was always be here with myself. So, the most important thing to me is doing what I like in my own parts of the world and the Internet.
I don’t have time to live for other people. The ones that expect me to know how to get the heck on.
Dear magazine editors & co.,
I understand that you need to make money by placing inserts into your magazines to gain subscribers. I get that, I really do.
I would greatly appreciate it if said inserts did not fall out of your magazine and onto my panties when I’m trying to read your periodical in the bathroom.
in my old age, i’m beginning to understand a lot of things about women, particularly woc, and their relationships with men that i used to disdain when i was younger.
like, i’m beginning to understand why a lot of women would stay with a no-good man.
why women would choose to have children with shitty men who already have 2 or 3 or 4 other kids with different mothers and is obvs not a good father to any of them.
why women choose to stay in their shitty “good job” and not do anything more.
why women spend a lot of time and money on clothes and hair and makeup and looking good, but don’t really invest in themselves.
like, for the most part, i am generally ok with who i am. but it’s lonely. it’s hard being a person who is somewhat aware of the world and all the bullshit and all the blinders that are in place in our culture, you know? and then expecting to find like-minded people to share your life with — that shit is hard, and sometimes feels damn near impossible.
it’s baffling how i can consume so much liberal news and media, work for a relatively progressive organization with a progressive network of colleagues, communicate regularly with likeminded people online — and yet, the people i meet offline/irl are all still pretty closeminded and unaware. they have blinders over their eyes and are happy to have it that way.
having relationships with the purposely mis- or uninformed is HARD. but sometimes it’s like, if you don’t want to spend your life alone, you have to accept bullshit or wait and wait and wait and hope and pray that the next person who enters your life is as invested in themselves, and is just as aggressively searching for truth and knowledge as you are.
some people… are okay with that. some people can wait, and are content to wait.
and some people just… can’t. they don’t want to wait another 10 years for mr/ms “right” or the perfect parent for their child or the that great job that fulfills all their interests. they don’t think their ship will ever come in, so they take what’s available right NOW — the sorry ass pathetic man who ain’t about shit and never will be, and have a child with him because they don’t want to be 40 and childless; the asshole guy who thinks “feminism” in any form is wrong; the friends who slutshame, or make racists jokes, or call goofy situations “gay” or call themselves “too fat” to participate in society.
Like, you name it. we tolerate it. because we’re afraid that waiting for people who share our values and beliefs are never going to appear. we settle for people and situations that disgust us because we’re afraid to stand out and, eventually, end up alone.
i generally love who i am. and i value my solitude and independence and will. i may not always be able to articulate my politics, but i know what they are, and they are a huge part of who i am, and i like that about myself. but i often find myself putting my values to the side because i’m so sick of being alone, and sometimes i’d rather deal with someone’s internalized racism or misogyny than to spend another evening alone.
and i think back, to 25 year old me, who said ‘I WILL NEVER BE WITH A MAN WHO X” and “I WILL NEVER HAVE CHILDREN WITH A MAN WHO DOESN’T Y” and “ALL MY FRIENDS SHOULD BELIEVE IN Z OR I CAN’T FUCK WITH YOU” and after years of believing that… well, now i’m alone. so what has sticking to my beliefs gotten me?
lately i’ve been thinking about children a lot, wondering if i’ll ever have any. i don’t like the idea of children, but i kind of want to be someone’s mum one day. and i feel like i’m never going to have the chance, unless i just throw my standards out the window and settle for some asshole. because the only men who come into my life are the ones who think it’s okay to make racist jokes, or blame the rest of the world for their problems without trying to fix them, or say things like “i’m so sick of feminists! when we gave you women equality… “
and it’s like, really?
no matter how liberal and progressive i think i am and try to be, everyone around me is still so far behind or to the right. and it’s HARD having relationships with people who don’t share your values or beliefs.
I am personally excited about the fact that I can finally use this:
Half the time, I never remember that I have this. The other half, I don’t have something that I want to support this hard.
You summed up everything I think and say perfectly in your post. After spending so much time around accepting people that are willing to discuss a wide variety of topics, I always find myself stunned and slamming back to reality that the “real world” isn’t like that. I’m always thrown off-guard by how narrow people’s points of view can be.